Mr. Desperate

And yes, it is Friday the 13th, and this has to be the most dramatic day I've had so far. Aside from the fact that it is Valentine's eve, this day has a steep climb to happiness and a steep fall to anger. It is so emotional, that I feel drained by now. Thank God I am at the 60% status of the EB requirements.

First the BAD, anger moments:

Sci10 Doomsday LT: Holy hell!!! To think I studied two friggin' days for this,only to end up with twelve questions, where I do not know two questions, and I practically guessed on practically all numbers in the test. I thought Sci10 would be an easy subject. BUT NO. This particular long test was hard as hell, that I feel I am going to flunk this test real hard. Sometimes, I feel that I lack effort in my studies when such things happen.

Snapping up to my co-staffers: I couldn't take the frustration anymore with the News staff that I suddenly busted into anger and almost cried after the News Seminar got cancelled because of the six that were suppose to attend, only tow were present (me and Bea) and the other four were not (one had a meeting, one had a beat report, but I understood their reasons; what pissed me was the other two). I was furious and felt like how AyeeMac felt when we were not doing our best. It drained me a lot, seriously. 

And the GOOD, happy moments:

Bravery part one: I went to Notebook's (and her name's Mita) class at Schmitt hall, waiting for her, with the white rose I was going to give her ready. Then she was fast approaching. I said hi to her, and told her that I need a minute with her. She stopped for a while before going to her chemistry class, and I surprised her by giving her the white rose. She was shocked, with the uttering of "awwwww" while I gave the rose to her. Then I noticed that she was blushing already, and even said "how sweet of you". And before leaving, she said "see you around" as usual, leaving her with a big smile and a blushing face as she went to her class. While going to Theology class, I was carrying a sense of accomplishment of finally being able to talk to her normally, and the rose was my way of telling her indirectly that I like her. After all, actions speak louder than words right? 

Bravery part two: I was inside the pubroom doing my usual Guidon work when Jan arrived. I waited for her to go to the common room as it was crowded inside the Guidon room. When she was in the common room, I immediately got the red rose I bought for her and went to the common room. I told Jan that I wanted to speak to her, and it made her curious. For a few seconds, I was sweating hard, with Jan showing me her innocent face. Then I said I wanted to give this to her, and I showed her the Red rose. She was surprised about it, and even asked me why I bought it for her, and I replied "wala lang" with a happy expression on my face. I felt I was blushing then. Jan then went inside the pubroom, and the Guidoneers were intrigued at the rose she was carrying. I was quiet outside the pubroom, being overly amazed at what I have just done. Adding the happy moment, she was smiling and happy as she was holding the red rose I gave her.

And for some comforting: 

AnnaB's motherly care for me: Well although AnnaB was not a News staffer technically (she was from Inquiry), I really appreciated her concern for me for my problems and rantings within the News staff, being the only former news staff that was under the AyeeMac. She did have a point when I was getting angry to my co-staffers for being not responsible; I was no editor but I seemed to be terrorizing them too much, as if I am stricter than AnnaB. One of the things that struck me was when she said that we cannot make the News section the same way as AyeeMac did. She was right; AyeeMac was different from AnnaB; Ayee was more authoritative and strict, while Anna was more of the concerned and patient type. After all, no matter how hard I was trying, I can never bring back the News section that Ayee has left behind; every person has his / her own style of managing things with the section and the staffers. And Anna also made a point on me being too concerned about the future of News, as if I was assuming i was the next News Editor. She said that it is just stressing me out, and that I should concentrate more of the present. She's right there, since 1) Assuming that I was an editor showed my bragging side, which is wrong, and 2) It gives me unnecessary pressure. Even if she is not a real News staff, I appreciated the fact that she understands me, given the fact that I consider myself the "rebel News Staffer" for many reasons (like being the only guy, the only old news staffer, and the like). She knew what to tell me and how to help me cope up with being a Guidoneer staffer. Much thanks and much love to you, AnnaB.

Leaving a mark: Before Jan went home, she called me, and thanked me once again for the red rose I gave her, and she left with the rose in her hand, and an appreciative expression in her face. 

I never felt this way. So this is what you feel when you are in love. And this was the first Valentine's eve that I celebrated in such manner. It was a very fulfilling for me for stepping up and being brave, even if I looked somewhat stupid while giving Mita and Jan the roses.

I am officially naive-no-more.  

*I just saw what seems to be like a comet in the sky a while ago, and I made a wish upon seeing it.

I scream "thirty"!

I have never expect that I could be a bit productive over the weekend . . . after three failures all in one day last Thursday (where 1) I got late for PoS61 class because I slept and while sleeping, I think I was dreaming about Jan and to my surprise when I woke up, she was the first person I saw, but still I was late, 2) Got surprised by a quiz in Psych, wherein I did not study at all, and 3) I got surprised . . . AGAIN  for PoS53 with a quiz that I haven't studied), and a revealing level up last Friday (from a F first long test in Spanish I got a B this time in the second long test . . . well it DOES pay to study after all), I started to psyche up to doing my stuff over the weekend. So, during the weekend:

1) I finished my two pending articles,

2) I have started (and currently doing) my Psych Behavior modification plan called "Let's kill the night",

3) Finished my Thinkpiece,

4) Attain a 30% done status with the second round of EB Race requirements, and 

5) Giving the final decision for Friday the 13th madness, that I will just give the red rose to Jan directly instead. After all, she knows that I like her, so why give it secretly anyway?

I must be inspired somehow at this rate; in fact, I have also just finished one of my last sets of interviews needed for my PoS53 research. And for tomorrow, I plan to study real hard for Theo and do Spanish stuff (since I want a blogging break for tonight)

Other thoughts for today:

1) It is a pain for me not being able to have a midnight snack. I mean, it is just the second day of my behavior modification experiment, and I feel so frustrated that there is a lot of yummy food in the fridge right now, but I feel repressed that I couldn't since I am doing a experiment to myself. I wonder if I accomplish this experiment for the week, would it help me have a better diet and thus, helping me live a healthy life?

2) I am itching to use my camera nowadays, but because of busy schedules, I wasn't able to do so. but a while a go, I was able to grab the opportunity to take shots; I was impressed at how contrasty my pictures were at the procession I covered a while ago. Also, looking back at my old photo albums, specifically the ones where I just had my DSLR, that I happened to improve in my photography skills after a year and two months. I want to improve further though, and I can do that through constant practice of using my camera.

3) In relation to my camera, I am itching to buy some upgrades to it, but because of financial crisis problems, I am prevented to do so. Thankfully, I got the basics covered (flash, 50mm lens, battery grip), but I think I need to buy a new battery pack and a new bag first before getting new lens. For the former, the generic one I bought last year seems to be conking out of me (yup, 600 bucks wasted) so I think I need to buy a new one soon (and this time I'll get the original one . . . the one that came with the camera is working far much better than the generic one I bought three months after having my DSLR). As for the latter, my current bag is sort of cramped that I couldn't even put my tele lens in it. In other words, I need a bigger camera (and possibly laptop) bag. But that would cost me thousands of bucks you know (and I am still itching for a 17-40L right now; a 24-70L is favorable but saving up the sum of a semester's worth of tuition would kill me to death)

4) I still couldn't believe with my two eyes that I am running for News Editor. WHAT AGAIN? I know. Being the sucky writer I am now, I couldn't picture myself manning over the news staff. Yet. But recently, I got a bit pissed on my co-staffers not submitting their articles on time, that caused me to send them text messages and emails containing messages in all caps, showing my temperament is going to go hell loose real soon. Well sorry guys if I acted a bitch; I just want you guys to be responsible enough that's why.

5) It is five days before the attempt. Yes, it is five days before friday the 13th madness aka Valentine's eve. For this year, I said to myself that I will sacrifice a few bucks for a red rose, which I will give to Jan directly. Well not that I am making an attempt to court her (hello: she's gonna finish college real soon), but I want to give it to her out of being friendly to her. Well if ever people would say that I am doing this because I like her, well that's the point; only thing is that in this case, she knows about it and she accepts the fact that I like her for who she is. That's why I decided not to give it secretly but to give it directly to her. I hope I succeed on this attempt.

That's all in my mind for now. I hope a lot of good things would happen for the coming weeks. Ta-Da!