Conquering fears, and that feeling of fulfillment.

After all, it was well worth it.

2 weeks after having a heartbreak, I decided that maybe it's time for a second take: to give my Christmas gift to Cy during the CADS Christmas party. A risky try, as evident with my vulnerable state right now, but it was worth it.

At that moment that I gave it to her, it was natural: I wasn't scared, worried, or even anxious about it. I grabbed my gift from the table, approached Cy, and gave it, telling her Merry Christmas. And boy, I saw that happiness gleaming all throughout her face. After all, she was happy that during that night, I was the first one who gave a gift that very moment. It was a scene stealer, I took a photo of her, posing with my gift. She was happy, and I was happy too.

And upon seeing her moment of happiness, she hugged me, thanking for the gift I gave her.

The party went on, and I was busy with well, taking photos of people, since it's the thing that I love doing. Well, for one thing, I was acting WAY differently that night. I wasn't the shy, introverted, unsociable, insecure, awkward person I was. I was expecting that I would be such, but something went on to my system and well . . . made me act differently. And best of all, it was as if yesterday I was some naturally extroverted, sociable kind of person. Seriously, it was my alter ego speaking last night. It was like a dream that somehow became true. I don't know why, I don't know how, but it was that way.

So going back, I was being a bit touchy feely with Betsy as well. And hugging her before I left was different. A long, lingering hug, I felt somewhat emotionally in love with her. And it's funny that after hugging her, my hands remained at her waist and shoulders, and I had this certain look at her (and so she did as well), upon asking her about another party where we will see each other. Awkward, but it happened. I am being very comfy with Betsy that I somewhat start to worry that I might be falling in love with her. Not that because I think about her, but that I realized that it's true that a authentic and long-lasting love starts off with friendship.

And yes, I now start to fully appreciate these hugs, more than I do before. Like ever since last night, I realized that being touchy feely is not totally a bad and forbidding thing after all. After all, I am comfy with CADS people and I can consider them as my Third Family her in the Ateneo (the first being my Blockmates and PolSci majors and the second Guidon, even if I am no longer a part of the org).

At this very moment, I want to thank God for guiding me well on the things I decide these days. Thank you Lord for being there with me.