This is the real deal.

Yes I'm feeling it. Again. Both of them.

Feeling #1: Stress

Ok so school's going to start in like a few days. Yet here I am starting to feel the stress and tension. But wait. What's all the tension if you do not need to do anything within the first week of classes. like you don't need to give anything major yet. Well its not academics people that I'm talking about here. what I'm talking about is my life as a campus journalist.

Yeah I've started working since May (while some of my friends are either 1) having classes, or 2) bumming at home) and doing all those research and interviews are no joke. I have to go to school (even if I do not really have classes) just to get in touch with the big bosses of the Ateneo for my articles. And I also feel the pressure of being an old member, hence, being the role model of the neophytes of the thing we all know as News writing. I have to be a good example to them so that they can follow it and make the reputation of the News staff much better. Hell yeah. It is hard.

In fact, I even taught kids (together with Sasha, who knows a lot about newswriting despite being a neophyte in the News staff) about basic News writing and boy it was not that easy. The details pertaining to it seemed to be complicated for the fifth graders that me and Sasha are forced to make things simpler for the kids to understand. But hey, the kids managed to understand whatever gibberish we were talking about during that time. Thank God the were able to pick up additional knowledge with regards to news writing.

Speaking of my life as a campus Journalist: This week I feel a bit stressed and a bit bitchy lately as I have to redo two articles, repeat one article from scratch, finish another article, do additional interviews, and do more research . . . ALL IN ONE WEEK!!! For Christ's sake, being a news writer may be a big pain in the butt for most people, but the rewards are very enticing (I've just received a note that I am promoted to "regular" status . . .meaning I get to see my name at the Staffbox! Speaking of working hard to gain fabulous rewards . . .).

It's a crazy world out there. Yet you get satisfying rewards out of it.

Feeling #2: Crazy
Upon glancing through a blog entry of my friend, he posted a quote from the book "Catcher in the Rye", Salinger's best and most controversial book. He quotes this line about Holden Caulfield talking about girls. And he said,

"That's the thing about girls. Every time they do something pretty, even if they're not much to look at, or even if they're sort of stupid, you fall half in love with them, and then you never know where the hell you are. Girls. Jesus Christ. They can drive you crazy. They really can."

Through a guy's perspective, this is very true. There are times that guys fall for a girl for what she does, no matter if she may be pretty or not. There are times that guys would prefer a girl's charming and nice personality rather than a girl's supermodel-like looks (hey, you can get the best of both worlds . . . but that happens like only 5% of the time;) ).

Well speaking of that, I still remember the moment when that girl was so kind to me. I remember the time when she defended me, when she lent me money, when she was approachable for help. At those moments, I started to be all crazy about her. It's like the moment she did something good and nice to me, the more I started to fell in love with her. And the more I fell in love with her, the more I became shy towards her, and the more I dumbfoundedly revealed my feelings to her (by accident of course . . . no one's stupid enough to reveal their feelings intentionally in an instant). Ok I admit that she is hell pretty (and probably the cutest girl I have ever met in my first year of college life). And she is smart.

And to think she was my classmate. And to think it took me months to realize that I like her. And to think I have become crazy over her because of the nice deeds she has done for me. Yet I still can't get her off my mind (which I try to, but no luck). She was like the ultimate girl for me. But too bad she was taken. The moment I realized that, my heart shattered into fine small pieces that seem to be beyond repair. Yes, it is a heartbraking experience.

Although it was heartbreaking, she is still the cutest girl I've ever met in college ;)

Girls can make you go crazy. Seriously